Disabled Dating Over 50

Dating later in life has its own flavour. You know yourself better, you are clearer about what you want, and you are probably less willing to waste time on people who are not right for you. Add disability to the mix, whether you have lived with it all your life or it arrived more recently, and dating can feel both more daunting and, in some ways, more straightforward. Here is practical, honest advice for disabled singles in their fifties, sixties and beyond.

Starting again

Many people dating over 50 are coming back after a long marriage or relationship, through divorce, separation or bereavement. If that is you, it is normal to feel rusty. The way people meet has changed, and online dating can seem baffling at first.

A few reassurances:

• You do not need to be an expert. Most dating sites are simpler than they look.
• You can take your time. There is no obligation to reply to anyone or to meet before you are ready.
• Feeling guilty or disloyal after a bereavement is common. Many people find that, when they are ready, dating again sits alongside their love for the person they lost rather than replacing it.

If you are not ready, that is fine. If you are, you deserve companionship and joy.

When disability arrives later

For many people, disability arrives in midlife or later, through a stroke, arthritis, sight or hearing loss, a heart condition, Parkinson's, an injury or something else. If that is your story, you may be dating in a body that feels new to you, and you may still be getting used to a stick, a wheelchair, hearing aids or a different routine.

Some find this makes them more self-conscious. Others find it clarifies what matters. Either way, you are not alone. On a site for disabled singles, many people you meet will understand change and adjustment from the inside. Our guide on how to tell a date about your disability has wording that may help if you are still finding your words.

Writing a profile at this stage of life

Your life experience is an asset. Show it.

• Be specific about your interests. "I love walking the dog along the canal, crosswords and Sunday roasts" says more than "I enjoy the simple things".
• Mention family if it matters. Grandchildren, grown-up children or close friends are part of your life.
• Use recent photos. A clear, smiling picture from the last year is best. Older photos can lead to awkward first meetings.
• Say what you are looking for. Companionship, a partner to travel with, someone to share evenings with, or a long-term relationship. Being clear saves everyone time.

Relaxed date ideas

Dating over 50 often means something calmer than a late night out.

• Afternoon tea or coffee in a café with comfortable seating and good acoustics.
• Garden visits. Many National Trust and RHS gardens have accessible routes, mobility scooters to borrow and plenty of benches; check each site before you go.
• Matinee theatre or cinema. Daytime performances are often quieter, and captioned or audio-described shows are widely available.
• Museums and galleries, with lifts, seating and cafés.
• A pub lunch somewhere with level access and a quiet corner.
• A gentle walk on a flat, well-surfaced route, with a café at the end.

Our guide to affordable accessible date ideas across the UK has many more.

Travel and concessions

If you have reached State Pension age, you may qualify for an older person's bus pass in England; the other three nations each run their own concessionary scheme for older and disabled people. The Disabled Persons Railcard covers you and an adult companion on most rail journeys in Great Britain, and the CEA Card lets a companion come with you to participating cinemas, so you only buy one ticket. Check the details for where you live.

Online safety for older daters

Romance scammers often target people over 50, especially those who are recently widowed or divorced. Be cautious of anyone who:

• declares deep feelings within days
• cannot or will not video call
• claims to work abroad, on an oil rig, in the military or as a doctor overseas
• has a sudden emergency and asks for money
• asks you to move the conversation off the site straight away
• asks about your pension, savings or property

Keep your money out of any online romance, however convincing the story. If you are unsure, talk to a family member or friend. Our Trust and Safety page explains how to block and report.

If you are worried that an older person is being exploited or abused, Hourglass is a UK charity focused on the abuse of older people and offers confidential support.

Getting comfortable with the technology

Never used a dating site before? A little groundwork goes a long way. Ask a friend or relative to sit with you while you set up your profile, or take your time over a few evenings. Larger text settings on your phone or tablet, screen magnifiers and voice dictation can make browsing and replying more comfortable if your sight, hands or energy are limited. Many libraries and local Age UK branches run digital skills sessions if you would like help getting started with smartphones and apps. There is no rush to master everything at once; learning one thing at a time works perfectly well. Keep a note of your login details somewhere safe and private, away from your phone.

Family opinions

Adult children sometimes have strong feelings about a parent dating again, especially after a bereavement. They may worry about scams, about your health or about inheritance. Reassure them about safety, but remember: this is your life. You do not need permission to look for love.

Intimacy later in life

Intimacy can change with age and disability, but it does not have to end. Open conversations with a partner about what feels good, what is difficult and what you would like to try can make a big difference. Your GP or a sexual health clinic can offer confidential advice about any physical changes. For many people, closeness, touch and companionship become just as important as anything else.

Dating someone with a different disability

You may meet someone whose needs are quite different from yours. One of you might use a wheelchair and the other might have sight loss. That can work beautifully, with a little planning: find venues that suit both of you, talk about what help you each want, and do not assume. The experience of adapting to change often makes partners especially good at this.

Frequently asked questions